Life on Earth may be relatively calm, but on planet Spart "millions reel from the shock doses of austerity" by the government. Doubtless the denizens of planet Spart's Balcombe have their own quota of shocked reelers.
On their planet "another theft of our collective commons is taking place". Yes, another theft. So those taxes which government takes are evidently part of the "collective commons" (we'll come back to this).
The government's Dash for Gas could see up to ... 64% of England covered with Fracking rigs.This would be - er - tricky. Cuadrilla are, according to Spart, "the UK's biggest Fracker" - wrong, since there have been 200 fracked wells in England - but let that pass. Big fracker Cuadrilla say their well pads would be less than the size of a football pitch, and would be no closer than two miles apart. On planet Spart, that makes 64% of England's surface.
It's not just arithmetic, economics on planet Spart doesn't work like ours either. Over there, ministers think "people are an inconvenient obstacle to profits for this government and greedy energy companies". Mysteriously, the tax take which so recently was part of the "collective commons" (good) has now become profits for the government (bad).
Both Earth and planet Spart have greedy energy companies. But if people and businesses didn't actually use the energy they produce, they wouldn't make any money. And the other businesses wouldn't make any money if, at the end of the chain, there weren't people buying the goods and services enabled by the energy production. Yes, on planet Spart economics moves in a mysterious way.
Luckily for the Spartists, on their planet they have a viable alternative - "democratically controlled sustainable clean energy" - which is presumably reliable and cheap. Maybe we'll catch up with them some time.
Yet all is not well on planet Spart.
It’s a climate of crisis with the biggest crisis being that of climate change and a crisis in democracy.Lucky for us on Earth that our global temperatures are plateauing (who knew?), and that our democratic crisis is shown up by low voting figures. Indeed, Spartists question the legitimacy of their government: Spartists' right to decide who has the power are being undermined by the government itself! Oh tush. You Spartists should try elections. Anyone can stand for office, anyone can vote secretly for whoever they please.
On Spart, someone called Osborne evidently thinks an energy revolution is going to start in a place called Balcombe. It's different on Earth. At our version of Balcombe, a company is going to take on the financial risk of re-drilling a well conventionally to see if oil will flow commercially - as it does at other wells in South East England. Business as usual for South East England with its industrial past, no revolution here, please move along.
No fracking revolution - and yes, no political revolution either.
The Spartists are against extracting fossil fuels. But their main aim isn't to oppose fictitious fracking. Their main aim is political. It's to overthrow the state.
"The residents of Balcombe –[are] courageously putting their bodies in the way of exploratory drilling in their village". Happily, on planet Earth the drilling is outside the village. Reclaim The Power! are co-opting them as revolutionaries.
Again, who knew?