The electoral cycle?

This week's award for the strained, inappropriate, unilluminating analogy will surely go to Commissioner Frattini, who has claimed that "Europe" (I think he meant "The EU", but it's an easy mistake to make when you're on another planet) "is not a joke". Well, ye-e-e-s, we're with you so far, Franco. "It's ..." (wait for it) "like a bicycle" (yes, really) "either it goes ahead or it falls on the ground".

Now, riding a bicycle is one of those childhood achievements the Scorpion didn't manage, but observation from the pavement suggests that most bicycles don't have to be steered in a straight line. Indeed, in skilled hands it's possible to turn around and go back in the direction you came from.

But if - OK, it's a big if - there is some sense in what the Commissioner is saying, what does that tell us about his view of the EU. Does it have to plunge further onward for ever and a day? If it stopped, would it fall over? Why?

It's a beguiling thought that a period of calm with no new measures might cause people to rub their eyes and wonder what the EU was all about. But it feels sadly unlikely.

This was the theme behind the Commission's criticism of the German government the other day. Even to pause is to show that you are not a good "European". It's the momentum, stupid.

Or in the case of Commissioner Frattini's initiative, it's the stupid momentum. As I have argued before, there is no terrorist threat against the EU as such (oh the humiliation), and it's hard to envisage the UK or French security services working hand in glove with those of (say) Belgium or Greece.

In other words, it would just be another waste of money.

On the whole, cycles aren't the EU's strong point. In putting together the eurozone it ignored the economic cycle, with the outcome that its economies are busy cycling in different directions. (Yes, it is indeed possible to push this metaphor too far.)

There's no sign that electorates across the EU favour ever closer union. Before peddling his analogy, maybe Commissioner F should cast a glance at the electoral cycle too.